live beyond godlike........

i got a deep self problem in controlling the pros and cons in me.....i listen to many voice still what i found out they just a noobs....i make a new decision and i cooked a new dish, though i walk through a door at the end i only notice lost what i've own but in my heart i never regret any of that.....peace be upon u in my past.....i just living with my dark passenger i think....what make it difficult to change maybe i hangout too much with my past and not searching for what been told the future.......another week i just love be lonely.....this week happen to be my first love birthday,....i also forgot but out of sudden the alarm on my phone rings and shows out her name.....all i can do is just call her and say hey..remember me....it's your day...happy birthday lady...then i hang up.....hahahah.....what a jerk i be while i with her.....i'm on my way in meeting the parents but i keep postpone it to another time...with the excuses i got classes to attend...the fact is i just not ready for any of those.....i just want to be for me...always for me....neither her or anyone else......and i'm really sorry for my love.....i'm not quite in touch with u cause i'm not in good shape......likely i just hope u'll understand me as usual....and the only reason i be with u is because u understand me more than i can do for myself........i hope my day will have some sun......