how to get to the point

i try many things and make it right......today's the second day of fasting...i still find myself down...and can't stand.....i just got a lot of support and bless also pray from the loved one.....early last night i sit and cry after i realize i can't stop chasing her shadow and she's knows me better than myself.......lately it become easy for me to sleep as early as 8 a.m. less than that i can't sleep...i feel like if i do sleep night will betray me and take everything i have from me....hahahaha....so funny.....best part is i get what i want.....the best chicken porridge ever....serve with spicy fried beef and lemon tea........i'm in heaven...hahahaha...but still....when people ask me where do u expect u to be after u enter death....i just said.....hell is pleasurable because that's i deserve for what i be when i'm alive....i'm a devil.....hahahaha......just for fun.....