a blue rose for tomorrow

today i'm so regret because i've disappoint the one that waited for me for so long....many chance given to me but what i do just keep wasting it.....i just blur......to be honest id don't know why i took the shortcut instead of the normal path i use to reach bus stop everyday when i go out.....maybe something not good is opposing me if i do go.....i hope she'll understand it.....and i hope i never waste any chance that i get.....2 hours from now according to my count i already spent 2 days not sleep at all....but still i cant sleep tonight because i've make the heart of mine in pain.....i never mentioned how much my love could be and how i show it....the only thing is i never lie about loving u,.....i bury all my pain and sickness deep in me and i never wish to release it because i'm to afraid to face the fact as if i'm losing u......i wish i got another saturday to live on to make that one come true.....with my faith i live and with my pride i die.....

decision and regretion

everyday i got many things to be decide....either i like or not it still need a solution to it......i got invite her 'back' again to my place after my weakness turns her around to another interest...perhaps i be more human lately.....despite i never listen to anyone talks or advice....they just like bitches judging me to think me a whore like them....i make my life look very regret to my lost but the truth is i never feel anything....i never have any feelings into something...to me the relation is just me and the chess board.......where i can see the noobs and the pro.....hahaha.....people from past come to me and thought i still hook on my past but then believe me just lost and can't ever come back.....naah....the clue is i dream of to feel everything that possible in my life....include what happen in my past my lost my regrets and everything.......and what i see u is just my collection...another page of my scrap book.....today i feel lonely but never feels this awesome of being lonely....i drink some but not till drunk n i love it...maybe next week i'm gonna pierce my ears and get them a nice earring.....what so special about me is i see u cry and i want u to see me cry and hook into it but inside me i'm laughing like hell...trust me never judge me though u look at me like i'm a soft one.....i confess i have collected 27 pure soul in my scrap book....and i'm not stop until it reach  109....i love myself.....