decision and regretion

everyday i got many things to be decide....either i like or not it still need a solution to it......i got invite her 'back' again to my place after my weakness turns her around to another interest...perhaps i be more human lately.....despite i never listen to anyone talks or advice....they just like bitches judging me to think me a whore like them....i make my life look very regret to my lost but the truth is i never feel anything....i never have any feelings into something...to me the relation is just me and the chess board.......where i can see the noobs and the pro.....hahaha.....people from past come to me and thought i still hook on my past but then believe me just lost and can't ever come back.....naah....the clue is i dream of to feel everything that possible in my life....include what happen in my past my lost my regrets and everything.......and what i see u is just my collection...another page of my scrap book.....today i feel lonely but never feels this awesome of being lonely....i drink some but not till drunk n i love it...maybe next week i'm gonna pierce my ears and get them a nice earring.....what so special about me is i see u cry and i want u to see me cry and hook into it but inside me i'm laughing like hell...trust me never judge me though u look at me like i'm a soft one.....i confess i have collected 27 pure soul in my scrap book....and i'm not stop until it reach  109....i love myself.....