everything just get to me like 'kenangan semalam'

i like the way universe decide on  what happen to the next second of my life......bless and trust with the best is just a reason to keep living......place myself on top of everyone is not what i really want to.....next week is kind of big deal to me......the only reason for me to live is risking her life for an operation......more or less what can i do is just pray...this is the first time i feel like an idiot...i got everything but when it comes to my reason i just can sit and doing nothing......oh god what ever sins i've made i only have one request in my life...is to get the chance to make my mom happy as if i pay all my debt to her when she raised me up to stand beyond on top of the universe....else if i don't my life that i've been living is just like dust......mean nothing and be forgotten when blown away by the air.....every time despair comes to me my mom will always be the angel that swap away my tears and pulled me out from my fall......never tired to correct me and never tired to shower me with love.......i hope she'll be fine and make it.......next thing that come apart to me is watching my house mate cry hardly just because his girlfriend taking photos holding hands with other guy......i don't know what he want exactly....but last night he keep begging me to kill him...thankgod i was playing dota back then and focusing on pwned the invoker head.....hehehheheh......my sister that i love try to get my forgiveness.....i don't have such thing in me anymore...i'm already dead by my time when i lost my heart........sorry dear i'm not n i can't be like before.......